My Two Cents On Letting 18 Year Olds Get Married.

 Hello my good people. I hope you have all been well, It's been a while since I last posted on this blog. But in my defense, a lot of big changes such as getting married. I started going to church for the first time in like 13 years so a lot happened in my life since then and these changes came with alot of learning and unlearning in order to figure them out. Not to say that I have figured everything out yet, I still have miles to go, but all this had me limit the amount of fucks I gave about what is really happening around me and the world in general and I started channeling my energy into figuring out how to navigate the new territory I am in now. 

Speaking of MARRIAGE, the Rwandan parliament proposed a legislation to allow 18 year olds to get married. let me stop there. it's a long story, there are pro news articles such as this one  that explain it better than me from a political point of view. I am not a politician so I can't really say much about how laws are passed sice I am no expert at that but we can all agree that anyone that's been 18 can pretty much disect what it's like to be 18 despite all our differences and that's what I am going to share in order to explain what that bill proposal is downright dumb. Again, this is my opinion. And you can all dissagree. It's Ok.

I am ok with everyone having their own opinion; I am just not ok with influencial people making their opinion a reality for everyone and I will tell you why. 

When I think back about what I was like at 18, and all the dumb shit I was doing. It's crazy to even think about how my life would have turned out had I (thank God I didn't) got married. 

You see, at 18, here in Rwanda, many people are not yet out of school ( secondary or University). Believe it or not, many are still in secondary at that age.

Ask yourself, what did you know about life after secondary? You are yet to experience what life is like when you don't have your parents allowance. All you think about is porn, next football match, your crush, and if you have a girlfriend, you spend most of your nights imagining what she's like naked and it gets even worse if you're a christian law abiding kid because you haven't a single clue what life has in the store for you. Your adrenaline rush is triggered by buying shoes, clothes, and whatever y'all are gonna eat for dinner at home. 

And this isn't life for everyone. For instance, my little brother lived with me at that age and he enjoyed the best time of his life having a brother that has a job, in the city, and parents living 90km away so he knew if anyone had to judge his dumb actions it would be me and I honestly didn't give a shit about what he did as long as he got home by 6pm and did well in school. Those were the only conditions.

But still, the rest of your adult life is yet to begin at 18, you still gotta go to university, meet your first real girlfriend that will challenge your dumb ass, get your heart broken, live with just 1k in your pocket and learn not to spend it on sambusa unless you wanna go home on foot after a long day at your new college. You are yet to have your very first real hangover, and worse, you've never even had a real fight. Not kick boxing or some karate and wrestling shit, but a heated dissagreement with literally anyone and it get's worse when it's your first real break up, this time, it hits straight in the feels. Because you see, when you're a kid, people will just agree to disagree instead of having to deal with a brat who can't make a rational argument. You make it to uni, no one gives a shit about your feelings, you're an adult now. They will crush you. And that first feeling is the worst, it doesn't matter who it comes from. 

Then, when God comes through for you, you get your job early on and you start your journey of adulting. You make your first paycheck, and on the 15th of the next month, you haven't a single clue how you spent all of it, Baptism by fire😂. You spent that year learning the hardest lesson of all, how to make sure that your paycheck sustains you so that you have a little bit left by time you get the next pay check. LITERALLY.

That's pretty much all the life someone who isn't 25 or so, Let alone an 18 year old has to deal with and we forget there are late bloomers to don't experience all of these till their mid or late 20s and if you are thinking that not every young adult is like that, do your own research, as 10 random 18 year olds, or to make it easier for you, ask 10 random adults about what it was like at 18. SAME. Unlessyou come from a very rich family. 

Now back to that proposal, Under what circumstances, do you think someone who hasn't figured out their life yet can manage to get married and build a family and have it go their way easily? There are some who can make it. There's a lot who have made it. And it is very likely that whoever proposed that bill went through the same thing. But that was probably 25 years ago or so I imagine. There are some who do it today and are managing. And all this is to say that, not everyone is that dumb at 18 and some people are very smart and can make it at 18, but ask yourself, What are the odds they will?

Anyway, Let's also suppose that you've allowed someone to get married at 18. And we all say it's ok. I have just one simple question for you, when do they start dating? Let's take a minute and think about that for a second. Suppose your 18 year old daughter is getting married to a grown up man( say in his 30s), how on earth do you think it ethical as a parent, if you let him date your kid as a minor. Are you starting to realize how dumb your idea is? Don't you think it's time to stop taking those mushrooms or whatever drug gave you that boneheaded idea? And if he marries her at 18 before they date, aren't you just pimping her out and setting her up for failure for making such a rush, life changing decision? whichever way you put it, it makes no sense.

I personally like to think the reason why the'res a 3 year gap between when you turn 18 and the gov says " you're  almost an adult now so start learning to act like one" and 21 ( leagal marriage age) when the gov says "you're on your onw. We warned you 3 years ago"

At least they give you those 3 years to realize many things such as, 

- Adult life does actually suck for the most part and isn't as easy as your parents make it seem.

- Get your shit together because you now you face the consequences of your actions.

- You're about to enter the 'survival of the fittest' kind of life' and capitalism will eat chew you up if you do not doughen up.

- You will have to work and sweat for all the good things you want to have in life.

And believe me, it takes a while to learn these things. Through are series of mistakes and trial and error phase.

And somehow you want someone to go out there and figure all this shit by themselves before their life even begins? That's like sending a sheep to go chill with the wolves with they hope they'll be friends.

Look, Life is already hard as it is, we understang you're enjoying all the good things and the money that comes with working in the parliament. You don't face most hardships, especially financial as everyone out there. You hardly worry about anything but your health so before you make rules such as this, remember the consequences such laws have on an average Rwandan which you are not. 

Take this analogy.As a parent, you are a farmer, You have sheep. The sheep have not known any real dangers of the outside of farm(your home) because they have always been protected by you. Then you send them to a farm to graze pastures but you have other things to do so you give them to a shepherd. Call the farm a school and the shepherd a teacher. Your expectations of the shepherd are to keep them away from the wolves.

What do you think will happen if you tell the shepherd that it's ok to allow wolves to come among them so that they can learn to co-exist with wolves.

Similary, by allowing 18 year olds to marry, you just made it ok for people to start grooming them early on. I don't know about you, but that's kind of coercing, because that kid doesn't know any better. I am pretty sure, it they thought like an adult, they wouldn't. but you aren't giving them that option to chose from are you?

There are so many ways we can discuss this and there won't be any reason good anough to justify letting an 18 year old get married. They were literally a minor, like 60 days ago or so. And now you want them to be a parent before they turn 21?

Look, I will let you all decide for yourselves, but I am against this idea and I suggest whoever brought it up in the first place be investigated. We already have a ton of problems with the rising cost of living, we do not want a whole generation of kids regretting making dumb decisions like getting married at 18. 

Our neighbor's girl got married at around 21, and the first thing her mother told us was "uyu mwana naramuburiye aranga ariko yiyatse ubuto bwe. Agiye guhura nibigeragezo atakabaye ahura nabyo kuriyi myaka kandi azicuza". Well, she ended up failing and returning home with an infant because her 24 year old husband got a job in kigali and left her. But let's not assume it will happen to everyone. 

All I am telling parents is, let kids be kids. Let them be young, and let them enjoy being young. It helps, it makes them learn at their own pace. And if it ends up not working even when they get married old, at least they won't regret throwing away their youth and start adulthood prematurely.

Also, this is a plea to my fellow Rwandans, We are getting too comfortable enjoying the benefits of having a good president. But remember he can't do everything on his own. You elect these other guys into parliament to represent you. And if you go on and keep voting, incompetent people into parliament, don't ever blame our good guy for their failures. Unless you want him to go do everything on his own, don't sarround him with incompetent people. It's your taxes they are getting paid. The bills they pass will affect you. Such is the power your vote gives them so before you vote anyone into parliament, make sure they represent your values. Otherwise, you're going to end up blaming the wrong person for a job not well done. That's all I am saying. I hope every member of parliament reads this and I hope they are ashamed, but that's just my opinion.

God Bless You All.