Rwandan Men Are Not Stingy. They Are Poor.

 

Dear Anonymous ALU student,

Last week, you appeared on a podcast by Zikoko podcast where you voiced your opinion about Rwanda: what you think of the way we offer service, and what you think of Rwandan people, and what it's like meeting and trying to date Rwandan men. 

The article caught the attention of many when Zikoko posted it on their twitter account. A lot of comments were made, some in agreement especially women and others (mostly men) disagreed. Based on so much that was said by many Rwandans, I don't think I speak for anyone but myself when I say this in response to what you said. There is much of what you said that I think is close to the truth, but I personally think that you exaggerated especially on service delivery and have the wrong perception of Rwandan men as well.

I agree that service delivery is very poor in many, if not all, areas of this country. I cannot defend it at all, but to say that you wait 3 hours for food is a bit of an exaggeration. (The site later made an edit and changed it to two hours).

 I lived in Kigali for over 5 years and not once did my order ever take that long. It took an hour and a half at most. That is still very long, and bars tend to take a bit longer, but lots of restaurants here in Kigali have self-service options where food is always ready by noon. For special orders on the menu, you have to understand that some of it is entirely cooked from scratch when you order it, especially if it’s not a commonly ordered delicacy.

We also in Rwanda like to treat foreigners with extra care, so I doubt you'll get a worse service as a local would. That said, I wish you had mentioned a few restaurants you go to while you were at it, otherwise that was just throwing a lot of good ones under the bus, and they do a great job at serving you well and on time. The likes of Java House, Simba, Camellia, Kana Khazana, Fantastic Restaurant, any restaurant in Nyamirambo, Carrefour, Mr. Chips, Heaven Restaurant, Brioche, and many more will serve you in 30 to 40 minutes max on a very crowded day and sometimes less on a normal day, and those are restaurants most foreigners like to go to.

You went on to complain about Rwandan men and how boring and stingy they are. I am saying that you complained because to begin with, you compared Rwandan men to Nigerians, calling Rwandans, boring and stingy and Nigerians " interesting and eccentric". Well, I am not saying that you are wrong, I am simply saying that you failed to accept the fact that you now are living in/with a different kind of people, and a different culture. I don't think you ever got over that disappointment of finding out we just so much different from Kenyans who are the closest thing to Nigerians(in your words). You know what they say - "the higher you climb, the harder you will fall". You got too excited about Rwandan men and we were nothing like you had imagined. Ever heard of culture shock? that's what you got. 

To compare people from the Africa's biggest economy with one of Africa's poorest countries just goes to show how very uninformed a person is, and how terrible they must have done their homework about the new country. For someone that has lived here for over 2 years, I don't understand what kind of illusion you fed yourself over these years, about where you are living and expecting the same things as you would get in your home country. As I read through that whole part, it all just sounded like some rich kid whining about missing home and the life she used to live. 

Rwanda is by far the cleanest country in the region yes, but you know what else is clean? Our pockets and bank accounts. A lot of people here in Rwanda under the age of 35 (the age you are considered as youth in Rwanda) are unemployed, and a surprising lot are actually married, others students. The rest who are employed, most of whom make less than 300k a month, are too busy trying to secure a future with that less money. 

You will have to look at the NISR data to confirm this, but the fact of the matter is, if you consider how little that money is in comparison to how much they have to spend on a monthly basis, stingy is a bit of a strong word, I must say. We are just poor and grinding so much that buying strangers drinks at a bar is the least of our worries. There is a saying in Kinyarwanda “Burya umuntu yishima aho yishyikira” which directly translates to “You can only scratch as far as your arm/fingers can reach.” That said, you probably make a stipend so big it automatically puts you 2 leagues above most of us.

But since you concluded that we are stingy, someone had to tell you that you can't be stingy when you are poor. You only get stingy when you have enough to spend but chose not to, and those guys that can spend comfortably on you, 1. aren't that many and very rare, 2. Are either already dating someone else that's probably not a student, or 3. You are dwarfed by an endless competition of Rwanda's finest. Did I mention we have arguably some of the most beautiful women in Africa? Yes, I said it. We do, and you my dear, a student, would have to be exceptionally good looking in order to catch them guys’ attention. It's not your pidgin English on the phone or at the bar, or you having a conversation with your fellow Nigerians that's going to get their attention. There are endless ways to go off about this, but in this case, you are just a deer hunting for a lion, not the other way around. Now, how likely are you to catch your prey?

Anyways. I didn't do any extensive research to claim any of my numbers, and I am not saying we are not stingy, I am just saying that there isn't so much you can expect from a poor guy that's trying to make ends meet, and you will meet a ton of those. They just have a different way of life based on what they have to prioritize as they spend their hard-earned money. We do spend money sometimes, on beer to bury our depression mostly, but we also take our girlfriends out and sometimes have fun. Go to Gisenyi one weekend if you want evidence of that.

You are not in South Africa, or some rich west African country. You are in Rwanda, a country that is smaller than one state in Nigeria, and a population that is not even twice that of Lagos.  Just do your education and enjoy the peaceful country that Rwanda is, travel the whole country, it's cheap, there some recreational activities and places you can check out, hike the volcanoes if you're into that. There is a lot to experience here for sure. Good luck on your education.